I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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