when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
