We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
