I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
