She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
