youre lurking in front of me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
