just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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