I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
