I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I touched a dick in church today
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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