The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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