you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
