I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
