i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
