just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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