well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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