We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
