Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
