Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
