I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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