fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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