Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
