And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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