Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
