i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
