I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
