Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
