sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
