Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
