Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
