I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
