We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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