normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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