I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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