I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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