Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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