a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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