ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
