grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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