i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
