In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
