her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
