I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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