They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
