I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
