This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
