I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
whose parrot is this?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
