Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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