The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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