i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
