'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
