It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
