We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
