I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
