i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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