I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
