Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
