Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
